By Dr. Larry E. Elliott

William James said, “I have often thought that the best way to define a man’s character would be to seek out the particular mental or moral attitude in which he felt himself most deeply and intensely active and alive. At such a moment a voice inside would speak and say, “This is the real me!” I wonder how many people are willing to say the life they live today is “the real me”.  Do we know ourselves well enough or in touch with who we are to respond honestly to the question, “Who am I and why do I exist?” Do we know “the real me”? Knowing honestly who we are helps us to accept ourselves and accept others.

As Christians, self-acceptance directly relates to our relationship with God. Genesis 1:27 tells us we are created in God’s image. In Genesis 2:7 God’s Word says God breathed into our nostrils the breath of life and we became a living soul. God created each one of us uniquely with his hands and filled us with his breath. As a unique creation, no other person exists like me. I can truthfully say, “I am uniquely me”. God’s plan for me is to become everything he created me to be, i.e., to reach my greatest potential as a human creation. Because of my personal relationship with God I can accept myself as a unique being and strive to become God’s dream for my life. I am free to become “the real me”, to achieve “abundant living”. My most intense inward feeling of self is in touch with God. I will work with who I am to become who God wants me to be. I will accept responsibility for me – my attitudes, judgments, decisions, actions and relationship with others. My love for God and healthy love for myself will motivate me to do my best and be my best.

True self-acceptance is based on five simple principles:

1. Accepting myself as a unique creation – “I am God’s special creation – uniquely myself”.
2. Accepting myself as God created me – “I like me and I’m proud of it”.
3. Accepting responsibility for self – “I am responsible for me: who I am, what I am and what I become”.
4. Choosing to become God’s dream – “I want to become what God wants me to be”.
5. Deciding honestly and constructively to achieve my greatest potential for God – “I want to and will become God’s best”.

 If we willingly follow these five simple principles, self-acceptance will blossom in our lives every day.

True self-acceptance must be achieved to build honest, viable relationships with others. Rabbi Joshua Loth-Liebman said, “We cannot have good foreign relations with others until we have good domestic relations with ourselves”. Another said, “The source of love for others is healthy love for self”. We might add an 11^thcommandment, “Thou shalt love thyself properly before thou canst properly love others”. Jesus went a step further and said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”.

When Jesus spoke to his disciples concerning “love for neighbor”, he spoke about accepting others. Accepting others is based on our relationship with God and with self. If the right relationship exists, we move beyond self into the lives of others. Accepting others requires a love beyond human love – God’s love working through us.

“Love for neighbor” means accepting our neighbor for who he is, not who we want him to be.  We allow our neighbor to be himself around us without judgment or unjust criticism; allowing him to speak positively or negatively and still maintain a constructive relationship with him.  Accepting others requires a unique love and sensitivity, which in some instances may motivate us to place their need above our own. Only by allowing God’s love to work through us can we accept others no matter who they are or what they have become.

God’s Word teaches three basic principles for us to follow as we seek to relate to others:

1. Before we can accept others, we must love God with all our being. Matthew 22:37 says, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy mind, with all thy soul”.
2. Before we can accept others, we must possess and practice healthy self-esteem. Matthew 22:39 says, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”.
3. To express full acceptance, we must possess a love based on our love for God. In I John 4:7-11, we read:

“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love, knows not God for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us. God sent his only Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to die in our place for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another”.

When we follow these three principles, we will accept others without reservation.

Self-acceptance andacceptance of others are closely related. One is dependent on the other. The thread which holds them together is Jesus Christ and our relationship with him. If Jesus loves and cares for us, we ought to love ourselves and love others. When we do, maybe a little voice inside us will shout with great joy and exhilaration, “This is the real me and I’m proud of it!”